Hello World

By: PriscyMarie

It has been a long road to recovery from DMMD (Doubled Minded Mess Disorder) and every day, every moment is a choice.  It is so easy to miss the plan of God when we have our thoughts divided.  It is just as easy to be in His perfect will, unfortunately DMMD is unrelenting and affects every aspect of our being.  DMMD effectively persuades us that we don’t have a choice but we do. 

Last week I celebrated my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend.  It has been a truly wonderful year.  And as I rejoiced and reveled in our happiness, I thought about how it could have been different.  We could have not been celebrating anything to this likeness at all. 

See, a couple years ago I was actually engaged to another guy and I was so star-seeing in love, till he broke my heart.  It seemed that overnight he had completely, undoubtingly, changed his mind about marrying me.  It had caught me off guard and I was faced with a few choices.  I could wallow and be miserable in the, apparently, endless suffocating pain or I could pick myself up, forgive him and move on believing that joy would come in the morning.  But which morning?  DMMD had me in a severe death match struggle for a few of weeks.  I desperately wanted to believe what I knew to be true, this too shall pass, but it was not at all as easy as eating a bowl of ice cream and definitely not as pleasurable, but just as acheivable.

I decided early on that I would take my mom’s advice and “enjoy the moment… whether good or bad”.  I would have been the first to say it, my mom was crazy, but I am so very glad I listened.  A moment would never happen again and I could rejoice in knowing that.  Also, good things are always happening and no matter what is going on I want to relish the good stuff. 

The Holy Spirit guided me to use my mom’s not so crazy advice and because of that DMMD could not get the better of me.  I was able to repel the constant flood of negative thoughts about myself and actually make room for God to shape a better me.  Out of a bad situation where I felt like less than crap for a minute there, He showed a meadow of beautiful, fragrant, colorful flowers.  And that wonderful garden would not have been possible if the soil in my heart was not willing to be broken, handled and ready to have stinky crap mixed in.  The soil settles and produces sweet beauty from a smelly mess.   It reminds of the book of Matthew, when the Lord speaks to us saying not to worry what you eat or drink and how the lilies of the valley are more magnificent than Solomon in all his splendor.  The non- toiling flowers were MORE mind-blowingly beautiful than anything the richest man ever had to offer but before those lilies graced the field they were broken seeds in stinky ground. 

I wonder if when God looks at me He sees such a splendor as fashioned by the lilies of the valley year after year.

If I had allowed DMMD to devour me in my circumstances I would not have been ready for most of the gifts that were awaiting me and are still waiting for me.  I either wouldn’t have this amazing boyfriend or any relationship would have been much harder and I don’t think I would be following my dreams, God’s dreams for me. 

This whole time when we’re crying and hurt and just a mess God has been manufacturing an even better, one of a kind, us.  If we would believe what we know then we could live what we think.  Now, that is pretty awesome, don’t you think?  So every time things begin to stink put on some nose plugs and smile because something remarkably beautiful is in the works!