Doting Doubt

By: Priscy Marie

Sometimes I just don’t understand myself.  I’m a weirdo!  Although I always want to be completely sold out for the Lord sometimes my actions and thoughts betray me and go against my
wishes.  I know that my confidence is in the Lord yet I somehow lose my confidence in myself to be this awesome person but instead am steadfast in thinking I’m horrible and a huge disappointment.   I have realized and accepted that I have a disease to combat.  James, being led by the Holy Spirit spoke on this, DMMD.

Double Minded Mess Disorder!

Yes, you read correctly, DMMD is double minded mess disorder which is clearly spoken about in the book of James.  Specifically James 4:8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Many are just like me in that we long to please the Lord and do what the Apostle says here, draw near to God… Purify our hearts, but it’s a catch 22 in that DMMD pulls us away, so,  how am I supposed to overcome DMMD, be healed, restored, if my heart is too torn to stick with the decision?  It feels overwhelming and overpowering.  In fact it feels too powerful for me to overcome.  The Lord is calling me to purify my heart.  

How blind have I been? How long? If it’s now that I realize that all this DMMD is a lie for the core of Satan.  Its what he’s been doing since Adam and Eve.  Planting, watering and harvesting insecurity.  Doubting myself is just an extension of doubting the Lord, who, by the way, purchased my eternal security with His blood.  His pain ridden, tired, gruesome, precious, loving blood paid for me.  Not
just a piece of me but all of me!  He knew the antagonistical schemes I would have to endure and that I would fail many of them.  He knew of each and every offensive thought I would have and every horrific lashing my heart would take.  He knew and knows it all. He saved it all. Now, if only I could remember that His power has raised me from fleshly death that I was already experiencing and that I don’t have to die again.  I belong to Him, the King, the all in all GOD, now my GOD.  So, why is there ever even a droplet of uncertainty?  People say it’s normal but I’m done with trying to be normal. I’m ready to embrace my weirdness and stand out because at the very least I’ll be standing!  No longer will I treat my skepticism, double minded mess as a “normal” reaction that I accept.  From now on, I will believe the unbelievable and hope for the impossible knowing, not wishing, but knowing that God is able and willing to do the incredible.  

I urge anyone who decided to read this, to be honest with yourself and your DMMD and join me in being God’s peculiar people.  Let’s purify our hearts knowing the He who requires it of us, does the actual purifying for us and that the thought that it can’t or won’t happen is again a lie from the
core of satan, the father of lies. 

I am encouraged and expecting great things from God’s people, my people.